The week that was…

I’ve pretty much felt like I’ve been hit by a truck ever since January and I’ve been wondering when the frickin’ hell it was going to start getting better. To say it’s been one of the toughest periods of my life is about right, but of course it’s all been for my highest good and I’ve always known it, and there are always lessons to learn blah blah blah.  Which is why I instigated the upheaval and gut-wrenching ‘AARGGH’-ness of it all; why I chose positive change and to completely throw myself out of my confort zone for the zillionth time in my life.

Without going into all the details of the ‘hows’ and the ‘whys’, let’s just consider last week, with the Venus transit and Pluto squaring something else….It was pretty harsh, and just before the Venus transit started, a little drama raised its head that highlighted several things that needed some confrontation and closure.  So I confronted them and got sucked into the drama a little bit, but it served a purpose.  The purpose was to show that my decisions were the right ones and made for the right reasons; I didn’t really even realise that I was doubting myself, but it seems a little Melski gremlin was nagging away in my head.  This drama had its roots in the Heart, the end of love and the need to separate yourself from someone even though it caused you great pain.  Even though this happened a few months back, there was little proper closure and the whole thing has dragged on a bit too long for various reasons.  Anyhoo, the Venus transit bought balance, especially to matters of the Heart and by the end of the week after the transit (and the drama) had finished, I was feeling physically knackered, like the truck that had already run me over had backed up for another go.

I had a headache that felt like a hangover from Friday to Sunday; I felt totally out-of-body and was actually starting to get pretty worried about myself.  But I knew it wasn’t anything physical, all the astro-shiz that had occured had wrenched something out of me that needed to just plain feck off, and apparently I wasn’t facing it properly so I was made to instead…and that’s always more painful.  There was a quick and shocking balancing of head and heart, and it all ended up in my head where I had been over-thinking things for too long.  So, after a long walk in the gorgeous sunshine at the weekend that I had been unable to fully appreciate because I felt like such a space cadet even though the intention of it was to absorb the light and chase away the shadows, on Sunday I had finally had enough and demanded that this shit be taken away….lots of crying, cutting of energetic cords (and remembering that actually, I am pretty fabulous) later, the headache started to abate and I felt like a layer of needless emotional skin had quite literally and painfully been peeled away.  I felt like there was finally closure on the situation.  I felt lighter, brighter and more powerful. 

And you know what?

Now, I feel awesome, and much more like my true self.  Thank goodness, I was getting concerned, but then I am my own worst enemy when it comes to patience and allowing things to take their natural course.  I want everything done YESTERDAY and I see no reason why I have to suffer the fall-out when I have done so many times before, and when my logical mind knows that something is done with, why do my physical and emotional bodies not get that??!!  I mean, there is yet more of this shit to go through – are you freakin’ KIDDING ME, Universe??!!!

But so it Is.  And I am grateful for the process, even if it was a bit ouchy! And now I await the next adventure.

Welcome to Earth Stars, by the way.