Posted by Melski | 2 Comments
Why are we afraid of our emotions? Part 1
I flicked through a popular glossy ladies magazine during my lunch break the other day. About halfway through, after I’d made it through the ridiculous amount of advertising for things that hardly anyone can afford (and remembered why I never actually pay money for this crap), an article caught my attention. It was about a young woman who was going through the pain of a break up with a long-term partner. She was in her early thirties and they’d been together for a significant chunk of time, so clearly this was a big life event for her and he was probably (I assume) her first big love. Of course she was going through a really tough time as anyone would be. What made me sad and annoyed was that she ‘didn’t have time’ to deal with the emotions she was experiencing and was visiting a hypnotherapist to help her ‘get over it quicker’. Yikes. She admitted that she was of a generation used to fast fixes, living in a society obsessed with technology that helps us achieve what we want to in double-quick time. Her pain, emotions and grief over the split didn’t fit in with her schedule. In short, she wanted to wave a magic wand and make it all go away so she could get on with her life. Well yes that would be ideal wouldn’t it? I couldn’t believe what I was reading.
The pain of a break-up is unique and horrid. There is nothing like it, negotiating the transition phase from couple to single person is an emotional minefield, adjusting to doing everything on your own can be confusing and heart-breaking. Even if you are the instigator of a break-up, it’s never easy to walk away from someone you’ve invested your heart and soul in, even if you know in your heart that it’s the right thing to do. If you are the one being rejected, the heartbreak is insane; you really do feel as if you’re going mad or having an out-of-body experience. Observing life going on around you whilst you suffer is infuriating. On the one hand you feel invisible because everything carries on as it did before and no-one is making reference to your all-consuming suffering. On the other, you want to be invisible because no-one really understands how you feel at any given moment even if you try and explain. Simply ‘getting on with it’ feels like training for a triathlon or trying to run through treacle.
It isn’t anyone else’s job to understand your suffering at a time like this, it’s yours alone to battle through; your emotions and heartbreak can’t really be compared to anyone else’s. What we can do is find empathy in others. The reason I was so taken aback by the article is that it was a stark reminder of just how conditioned we’ve become as a society. We don’t live in communities anymore; we’ve been conditioned, over time, to be independent units. We’re suspicious of each other; we exist in our own little worlds with barely a word to the neighbour across the fence. If you say ‘Good Morning’ to someone (particularly if you’re city-based), people cross the street to avoid you: You’re a weirdo! There is much less eye contact than there used to be. Our connection to our fellow (wo)man had diminished….because we’ve allowed it to happen.
The woman in the article didn’t understand her emotions. When you’re an old hand at the break-up game, at least you know what you’re going through is completely normal. It doesn’t make it any less painful, but you sort-of understand it even if you do feel like you’re only just on the right side of batshit insanity. Because the emotions she was experiencing were painful, she wasn’t interested in facing them. It’s not her fault, it’s the way we’ve been taught to be, the way we’ve been led to believe is ‘right’; we must push on with our jobs, lives and obligations in spite of the pain, and the pain must go away or even worse, be ignored. The second we go through a rough spell, we all think we’re suffering from depression and take pills to put it right.
We’ve all let these conditioning elements into our lives: phones that are also computers, machines that wash our clothes, social media that lets us say anything we want from anywhere in the world. You can find forums where other human beings give you advice and guidance, even. They are not necessarily bad things if used appropriately. However, what’s happening more and more over time (slowly, slowly, catchy monkey) is that we’re becoming more separate from each other. If this poor woman had a proper community around her and a chance to share what she was going through, her suffering might not be as acute or enduring. She might also better understand her own emotions and find ways of navigating her way through them. I do not seek to criticise her as she is a product of her environment and experience. I just find it tragic that a person doesn’t have time to schedule in their emotions. I think it’s worth noting and remembering that on the opposite side of the pain coin, is joy. Our capacity for pain is also the same for joy; if you can experience one with mind-numbing intensity then you are also capable of experiencing the opposite. Life has many layers, many peaks and many troughs. Our experiences are what shape us and if we see them all as lessons to be learned, we earn wisdom from them. And we are therefore capable of reaching the opposite end of the spectrum.
I admire the woman in the article for attempting to deal with her own situation and take some sort of control of it. It’s empowering for her to do so. She just needs to realise that things take time. There is no magic wand and no magic pill to make pain go away. Unless you face it head on, it will always find you in the end.
Posted by Melski | 0 Comments
Home is where the heart is. Literally.
I’ve had major ants in my pants lately. Spring has bought with it ze Wanderlust, and I am itching to travel and see new places and things, and I have a major urge for change! It’s an affliction that’s been with me for several weeks and on the one hand it’s pretty cool and exciting because there is adventure in the air. On the other, it’s frustrating because right at this moment in time there’s not a lot I can do about it. I must wait a little longer for my Spring/Summer adventures to commence. Now, I do not do the concept of patience very well, being a Scorpio with Aries rising. Everything must happen yesterday, or sooner. I process things very quickly, which works out well in some areas of life but not in others. The art of patience is something I am not down with, and being forced to wait is really dull!
The norm of the day-to-day routine is just too much to bear and I need to remind myself who I am in the truest sense. No doubt this has come up as I continue to delve deeper into my creative side, letting it unfurl gently but powerfully, discovering how it really ticks. The need for new experience is intrinsic in a creative person. How else are you inspired to create if not by the things you see, hear, smell or touch? I want to run to the West Country and play with the faeries, to the rocky Cornwall coast to see the sea and shout my troubles at her like a lunatic, and I want to go to that teeny patch of sandy beach on my former Suffolk patch that’s a well-kept local secret, lie down and dip my toes in the water as the sun shines life on us all. Staying where I am in the physical sense is proving a little……vexing. Home, though I love it, feels as if it’s not quite enough right now and I feel a definite pull to be elsewhere.
I had a card reading yesterday and it spoke to me about hearth and home, and of sensuality and expression. It reminded me that my true home is in my heart space and my physical body – the rest is just circumstantial, fleeting and impermanent. The need I have to be somewhere other than the exact place I am in right now is not only the need for creative input and a refreshing change of scene, it’s also related to feeling ungrounded and unsettled for other reasons. It relates to the frustrations I have in other areas of life, and perhaps there is a need for some respite from those frustrations. It’s not that I don’t face things and deal with them, because believe me I do, but Lady Patience has had her say and there isn’t anything else I can actively do right now to quell them. Perhaps it’s also because I’ve moved around so much over the past eight years, staying in one place feels odd. This need for constant movement goes soul-deep with me; I don’t believe I’ve ever stayed on one place in the Universe for very long, I move on to somewhere else, wherever it is that I am needed, whether that’s over one lifetime or several. Sort of like the Littlest Hobo, but much less canine.
So, my true home is the physical vessel in which my soul resides. That is what needs taking care of, but energetically and physically. There are many ways I work with my own energy, one of them is working with the chakras. Unfortunately I tend to neglect the lower ones for some reason. Don’t know why, but duh, look where that’s landed me. The root chakra relates to our groundedness, our sense of the physical world, our sense of tribe, belonging and security. The sacral chakra relates to our reproductive organs, which are our creative origins and first physical home, and our sense of vibrancy and zest for life; an imbalance here can result in frustration and stagnation, as well as low energy levels. it’s relates to being in the flow of life and letting go of expectations. There are many other correspondences I could mention, but these are the ones that are relevant to me right now. They make complete sense of how I’m feeling, and I have a chance to do something active to regain the balance. This excites me; I do love an energetic project and the chance for some self-exploration.
Clearly I have some work to do in and some balance to regain. I need to remind myself that wherever I am, there I am happy, settled and content and remember every day how lucky and blessed I am with my lot. It’s true that my soul needs feeding; it needs adventure and new experiences. They will come when they are meant to; no doubt after I’ve done some work on myself, a shift will occur and I’ll get loads of adventures all at once. For now however, the adventure is an energetic and soul-deep one. They are always the best kind.
Posted by Melski | 4 Comments
Cycles
I have a question for the creative women reading this (sorry boys, nothing personal): do you notice a difference in your creative mojo depending on where you are in your monthly cycle?
I ask because this week has been the run-up to my moontime, period, rag week etc :) . I haven’t written for several days; I’ve shown up to my laptop and then found that I’ve had nothing to say for myself. It’s a block, yes, but it’s different than before. My head is full of emotions and confusion, and I am being a total hormone head! I’ve done a little journaling, but mostly I feel the need to go within, be still and let things bubble away for a few days
The irony is I’ve felt really creative and switched-on, but it’s as if the veils have come down deliberately to force me into a place of complete retreat. The energy has been directed to another place, for another use. I’ve felt driven to stay at home, bake peanut butter and chocolate cookies and feather my nest. It’s a beautiful thing, to honour this aspect of myself; the urge to keep a nice home and be guardian of the hearth. I have no wish to spark any kind of feminist debate here, but that feels very natural to me. The only things missing from the picture are a big fluffy cat (RIP Murphy Moobags) and the little ones.
My spiritual practice has been deep, wonderful and comforting, but the output of any creativity has temporarily stalled. I haven’t fought it; I’ve simply let it be. I am just finding my natural creative cycle. I’m intrigued to know what yours is.
Posted by Melski | 7 Comments
Writing. It’s not just about writing.
Writing is not just about writing
I showed up to write tonight and started two different articles. Neither survived my attempts. Every time I tried, my mind shut down, and the more this happened, the more frustrated I became, and the more my mind shut down…ad infinitum.
It was clear that this venture wasn’t going anywhere and I needed to stop. Cue my usual unblocking tools, but more than that, I put on a drum track and went on a journey to meet my writer Self and find out just whassup.
I won’t go into the whole journey because it’s mine alone, but I will share a little symbolism. My Writer Self was stood at the edge of a dark, scary-looking forest and wearing awesome clothes as usual, because even my alternative-yet-very-real facets are uniquely stylish. In spite of the cool apparel, I didn’t want to approach her. I knew I’d have to but I didn’t want to, my stomach was somersaulting and I had visions of all manner of scary beasts within the dark and unknown wooded landscape; child-eating witches with gingerbread houses, things that growl and smell funky or beasts of unknown specification generally being spooky.
Guess what? When I got there and was led inside, it was all sunny, bright and rather lovely actually. There was no darkness at all, that was just how it appeared to me from the outside. The scary beasties were all in my mind and there were only friends waiting for me therein. Duh! I was shown a glimpse of a possible future that was rather fabulous and I was being fabulous in it. In short, it was immensely positive, though I am slightly disappointed at the lack of gingerbread house. I always wondered about those.
I think the moral of this tale is obvious, but let’s say it anyway: darkness is not to be feared, as it’s rarely what you perceive it to be. Once you take a step into it, it’s highly likely you’ll be pleasantly surprised. The Fear is in your mind, not your heart.
So, I might not have written much tonight, but I have done some work.
Posted by Melski | 2 Comments
Why do we ignore our intuition?
Intuition – an instinctive knowledge or belief obtained neither by reason nor perception.
You know when you just know something? Like whether someone is telling you the truth or lying to you (hello, Indigo); you know who it is on the phone (think back to a time when there was no caller display to give it away!) and you have a feeling that you’re going to bump into someone and then, abracadabra, you do! We might smile at these things and feel a sense of well-being, safe in the knowledge that we have a little psychic mojo a-workin’. We might pat ourselves on the back and feel smug that our intuition is switched on and guiding us in some small way. But these are just glamours and party tricks. Yes, it feels pretty cool when we’re proved right about something we ‘felt’ would come to pass, but how does this really serve us, practically speaking?
What about when you know something about your own life and are being called upon to do something about it? It has come to my attention again in recent weeks that there are a great many people who do not listen to or trust their intuition. I’m just not used to this, most people I know really do trust it – or at least they say they do. Trusting your gut feelings is such an intrinsic part of self-Work and spiritual practice; it’s a link to the Divine, Spirit and/or your Higher self, the Way Shower on your life’s path. A gut feeling is a message that’s trying to get through to you in a subtle (or not so subtle) way. There is deep truth in these kennings, yet some people go out of their way to silence or ignore them, which must be one hell of an effort. But then, the truth hurts sometimes and hurt isn’t something we generally solicit.
When was the last time you had a gut feeling and ignored it? How did that turn out? I can think of a few times my intuition screamed at me and I just thought it was the voices in ma pretty lil’ heed 
. Uncomfortable times ensued but at least I learnt, albeit the hard way, that ignoring your intuitive knowings is a very bad idea. I know what it’s like when your head is so muddled that your intuition has trouble getting through to you. I know what it’s like to have so many dialogues going on that it’s difficult to fathom the true gut feeling from every other feeling or emotion that’s demanding dominance. The trick here is to go back to a place of silence and stillness and just breathe. Slow it all down and then you’ll start to see how you really feel about things, your intuition will be able to stand up and be counted.
The true answer to why we ignore our gut feelings and intuition is The Fear. Fear that we have to make a change and that will whip up a shit storm, fear of what other people think if you say ‘Well actually I have a gut feeling about this’, or fear that there really is another dimension to life as we know it, and that dimension can’t be seen or touched and is therefore not be trusted. Because it’s intangible and can’t be explained by science (yet), then it must be rubbish and of no value to us. Ppfftt. Here’s the thing: Your intuition is everything! Why on earth do we ignore it and make ourselves suffer? Why are we giving in to The Fear and allowing that to rule us? Where does it get us, really? Nowhere! We just stay in the same place, the better-the-devil-you-know place of comfort. I always think The Fear is telling you a lot, most likely that this is the metaphorical direction you need to walk in for your own good. Intuitive party tricks are all very well, but the real test is applying intuition in your everyday life, listening to it and acting on it when it’s guiding you in a direction that scares the utter bejesus out of you. What’s a short spell of fear, discomfort and utter chaos? We are taught to fear these things. Don’t. They are part of life’s rich tapestry. Of course it’s not always scary, sometimes it’s just the opposite.
Start small – the next time your psychic Spidey senses tell you something, go with it. Working with intuition is like working on a muscle, it gets stronger the more you do it. So listen to it, follow it and see what happens. Are you scared? Excited? Intrigued? Good. You’re on the right track.
The Cut-and-Paste Art of Manifesting
There are many different ways to bring what you desire into being; the first step is acknowledging that you have the ability to do it. The next step is purchasing a Pritt Stick, scissors, blank paper and gathering up all of the magazines you have lying around. Read on….
You have the power to create your own reality, life as you want it to be. This doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy though sometimes it is, and sometimes surprisingly so. In all likelihood you’ll have to do some work to get there, and realising that paying your dues can be a part of the manifestation process will make it a tad easier to deal with if/when hurdles crop up.
At the beginning of this year I created a vision board for 2013; it is a beauteous thing and packed with oodles of power. It’s sparkly, pretty and magical. It includes everything I want to bring into my life over the next 12 months, and I am asking for a lot! Almost as soon as I’d finished putting it together, things started to get ‘interesting’. A big shift happened, and it was not a comfortable time; in fact, it was pretty hellish. Thankfully the situation quickly resolved itself for the positive and taught me a lot in a short space of time. The lesson was multi-faceted and I could totally see how I’d created it, even though I was the one suffering for it. It was very empowering and I was reminded just how strong I can be, how certain of myself I was and what I was willing to tolerate. As always, I was grateful for the things I was taught during that time; clarity, honesty and strength were the by-products of this poopy episode. In short, life was better afterwards than it was before. I mentioned the peeling away of layers in a previous blog post, and that’s exactly what happened there – it was all related to what I was asking to come into my life and my vision board was the catalyst for it. It hadn’t even gone up on a wall and its mojo was a-workin’!
The vision board is a way of making your subconscious conscious. You’re making visible that which you want to attract, and it’s not just the obvious stuff like ‘I want lots of money’ or ‘I want a pony’, vision boarding is a focused make-and-do type of activity, creating a collage of your desires. You go through magazines, newspapers etc and pull out words, phrases and pictures that mean something to you, even if you don’t really understand why they’re calling to you. Then you stick them onto a piece of paper of card in such a way as to be aesthetically pleasing to your good self. So you might well pull out words such as ‘rich’, ‘powerful’, ‘free’, ‘love’ if they speak to you, but you might also pull out images that you just like just for the sake of it! There are two mermaids on my current board; clearly I am not trying to become a mermaid (though how cool would that be?) but they mean something to me and they are effectively guarding the magic of the board, holding its space and looking generally fantastic! You can also draw and write things in your own hand, whatever words, doodles or symbols feels powerful to you. It’s a wonderful way to get in touch with your creative side as well, and it isn’t intimidating or scary – all you’re doing is putting the words and images together as you’d like them to be without any pressure on the board as a whole looking a certain way.
I could wax lyrical on other aspects of my board and how it’s working its mojo in my life, but I fear I would either bore you or hinder the magic that’s cooking away. Trust me when I say that vision boards work. Just be prepared to adjust your life to what you’re requesting. Manifestation is a journey, not a quick fix. Now get your Pritt Sticks and scissors working!
Another way to attract what you want is to repeatedly focus on it. For example, if you’re constantly worrying about something, you increase the likelihood of it actually happening. Where thought goes, energy flows and what you focus on, grows. Who doesn’t love a rhyme? When you catch yourself thinking about something you really don’t want to happen, just stop. Do something else and affirm that all is well in your world (even if it feels like it isn’t!). Put your focus on an event that makes you feel positive. This can be hard work when you’re in the middle of a crisis, but it may make it pass that little bit quicker.
Similarly, if you’re always talking about what’s wrong in your life, that’s all you’ll end up with. Again, as I’ve mentioned before, sharing is important, just don’t share too much. Find a way out of it and don’t dwell too long on the shit stuff. A good place to start with this is by making a gratitude list every night before you go to bed; it doesn’t matter how small the things you’re expressing gratitude for are, they can be as seemingly insignificant as a nice meal, passing the time of day with a friendly stranger or the sun shining. These things are most definitely significant. Gratitude is a habit and once you start cultivating it, the things you get to be grateful for get bigger. You also become more grateful for the seemingly small things.
Whether you’re an affirmations person, a spell-crafting person, a vision boarder or an Abraham/Hicks Law of Attraction person, there are many ways you can create your reality. They all work to harness the same thing – the fabric of the Universe – and they all have the potential to work in your favour. Just be careful what you’re wishing for because you might actually get it.
Posted by Melski | 4 Comments
Of birds and Spring
Today I took a walk and enjoyed the cool Spring air. The birds were making a wonderfully harmonious din, the sun shone through hazy clouds and the air was…different. It was faintly perfumed and carried the magic of new hope and optimism. There is nothing like birdsong to lift the spirits, it’s so utterly joyous. I heard at least one song I’d never heard before; I stopped to take it in and paused to allow the moment to unfold, whilst trying to spot the feathered friend who was singing my soul back to me. I couldn’t see him/her, but I did look up long enough for the bright-but-hazy sunshine to make my eyes water and squint. This made me smile.
There have been a few fleeting glimpses of Spring this year, but today felt like it was truly the first day of Spring which is appropriate as the moon is new. There was still a biting chill in the air, though I actually felt warm in my winter coat after a little walking. The daffodils are in bloom and pink cherry blossom is making an appearance. Birds are feathering their nests and singing their songs of courtship; there were hundreds to be heard today including kites and buzzards, gliding around in groups and making that distinct, high-pitched bird of prey squeal.
The other day I watched a barn owl for about 5 minutes, swooping and seeking over a meadow. It was the middle of the afternoon and the sun was bright; we stood and watched this ethereal creature go about its usual business, completely unaware that we were there. It was such a gift, like we had a sneaky peak into another realm. In the field beyond that there was a lone deer having a rest on the grass. I love seeing deer, but witnessing the owl was the prize.
I have a strong spiritual connection with birds. I adore their ability to rise above our level of reality, their freedom and ability to sing unhindered. They exist between our world and the next. I am obsessed with feathers and keep any I find in jars and vases at home. I have several swan feathers that have become my creative totems and now reside on my new and shiny writer-girl desk space (there is also an abundance of roses, my flower totem). Swans represent grace, love, soul and the ability to go with the flow. They also signify that clarity is on its way, and that it’s important to keep your faith strong. Surrendering to the Will of Spirit is another meaning. My main smudge feather is also a swan feather.
There are times when I take nature for granted, then I’m reminded of how much I need it, and how big a part of me it really is. It’s my life’s blood, my sanity and my soul. I wither when I don’t spend enough time in it. Today, I felt renewed and reinvigorated.
Today has been a day of newness, fresh starts and hope; of releasing the old and embracing the unknown. I’ll have some o’ that!
More info on the new moon in Aries, from http://astrozo.com
The Sun and Moon rule with authority. Venus and Mars join the royal court and the unity of the sexes reigns supreme.
The New Moon in Aries kick starts a whole new revolution of the zodiac wheel.
New Moons are filled with fresh energy and great moments to start new projects. Seeds planted at this time will grow and bear fruit at the corresponding Full Moon in 6 months time.
Aries is the baby of the Zodiac and represents our rawness and core being. There is an urgency of the ‘right now’ which permeates this sign and they are known to be head strong and full of vitality. Aries is ruled by Mars known for his direct and dynamic approach to life.
Idealism and drive are Aries strengths and can freshen up our perspective as winter fades into the background and the sap begins to rise.
Working with the new moon first requires letting go of what no longer serves us. Once this is done we can allow the blood red, pulsing, young energy of the Aries new moon to flood in and rejuvenate our system.
If we embrace this surge of joy and innocence, free from the restrictions of the past, we can use it to power our plans well into the year. Celebrate the simple of the joys of life…sunny moments…flowers blooming…and the world begins to wake….
We are taught not to be selfish but what about being higher selfish? The desire to heal or focus on others can be a distraction from work needed to be done on ourselves.
Its time to be the best you possible.
A knowledge of Self and a sense of direction is all we need to harness this rocket power and propel ourselves forwards…to infinity and beyond…